7 Quick Takes – Heaven, 40 Days For Life and Real Estate

I’m posting up this week’s Quick Takes now, and hopefully later today will be able to add both the pictures and the proper link to a finished retreat post!

1. The doula place finally called me back last week. The lady who was my doula last time would like to do it again so that’s great I haven’t heard from her yet though to set up a meeting… Oh well, still got a little over a month.

2. Last Friday CCO put on a social event called Dinner and a Movie. It was a potluck, and almost all the main dishes had meat in them. It seems the CCO people don’t know the no meat on any Friday rule… I considered breaking the ‘fast’ so I could have a proper supper, but I’m glad I didn’t. I had salad, sushi (no fish) and took the meat out of a sub sandwich and fed most of it to the baby.

I hadn’t planned on staying for the movie, and already baby was getting cranky so we left as soon as I finished eating. Right near the end of supper one table over started up the Cup game. I had to think where I knew it from, for me that’s choir camp, but I guess it’s just a camp thing. Anyway, I was pleased to see that I could still do it.

3. Saturday would have been my dad’s 83rd birthday. Like last year, baby and I went to the cemetery, though not in the glory of early morning. It was cloudy but it never actually rained while we were outside.

It was a bit different than last year, the baby would not sit still (haha last year he was about 3 months old) and I had to watch him out of the corner of my eye etc, and interrupt my thoughts several times to stop him pulling at the fake flowers and decorations by the other tombstones.

In a quiet moment though, kneeling before his grave I experienced a glimpse of heaven, a taste of what he was now experiencing. I felt the peace but more than that I felt a sense of freedom. It was like stepping into another world. But it gave me such hope. While I knew from my mother that he turned back to God about a week before he died, I was never sure that was enough. Now, not only am I sure he’s in heaven, but I don’t feel so sad looking at the grave. That is only an earthly sign of what has come and passed. He’s not there in the ground because he didn’t die, his soul lives on with God for all eternity. I found it hard to really be sad anymore, it was like I finally made peace with it after 10 years. Of course, he wasn’t my husband and I may still be sad again, but only time will tell.

4. 40 days for Life started on Wednesday. This was the first year I really felt called to it, last year praying for an hour straight didn’t appeal to me but this year I could see myself doing it, and getting much out of the experience I’m sure. However, upon thinking a little practically I don’t think I’m called to commit an hour and pray outdoors this time, between the baby and the act that I could go into labor and then not fulfill the commitment I had made I decided that this was not the year for that.

All the same, I still felt called to do something. It probably has to do with being pregnant myself, and also with having a child already, but this year I find the issue affects me deeply. I am moved to tears every time I really stop and think about it. While the lady was speaking at the end of mass on Sunday I looked over and saw a woman holding a rosary, and I decided that that is what I would do this year, make time to pray the rosary every day. The rosary also didn’t used to appeal to me, I just didn’t get it but it’s getting better too.

5. Since coming back from the retreat, I’ve been trying to put the new found wisdom into practice, and it’s turning out to be harder than I thought. I can understand becoming like a little child, but to be so obedient etc to suffering… my head’s not getting around that so well. It was before, I had a desire to take up my cross and I still kinda do, but it’s not going as well as I’d hoped. I find myself starting to complain, I am far from being selfless even towards my husband and I’m lucky with the rosary time if I make time for God 3 times a day. Especially the living for God in the NOW, it all sounded so much easier when I was still at the retreat. I find myself thinking about the ‘now’ a little more but I haven’t experienced anything like Father described.

6. Speaking of not looking so much to the future…

Since we picked up a Real Estate Book on our walk on Monday, we’ve been talking more about getting a place of our own. I used to be so set on Blandford I didn’t want to consider it but since not having my own space I’ve come around; even if it’s not Blandford, it will be our home and that will make it special. We looked through the book circling some we liked, and went to talk to the bank to get a feel for what we could realistically afford. DH has helped me come around somewhat to the idea of mini homes. DH wants something cheap as an investment that we can later sell to put towards a real house, but I don’t want to spend 10+ years in a house that I don’t like the look of and I don’t think that’s unreasonable. I know I don’t want to live in a park, but a mini home oriented parallel to the road on a private lot might be ok. A mini home vendor is having an open house this weekend and we plan to check it out, see how much a mini home without the land would cost.

The thing is, I have been really caught up with this house stuff, and instead of living in the now I’ve been looking to the future. Every time I have a bad day here at the in-laws I’m just wishing we had our own space now. Because I’ve been feeling this way and we picked up the real estate book on our walk the other day I’ve been so focused on the idea of a place of our own, even though I already know right now that is not God’s will for me. Right now I’ve been feeling more caught up in this house business than the fact that I will have a new baby in less than 2 months!

It’s not like this is going to happen soon, for starters we have to save up a down payment first. Therefore, we’re not going to end up buying any of the houses we saw in the book, we’re not even going to start really looking till next spring/summer and wouldn’t be buying till probably the fall! So there’s really no rush. It is nice to know that there are a few options that we can afford and I might like in our price range, but I can’t fall in love with any of them because they probably won’t be there when we do look.

We talked to the bank, we know the numbers etc, we’re not going to really look till next year, and for now we have to save. So I just have to trust that if/and when God is ready for me to leave the In-laws that He will help us save the money (maybe get me a job to help out) and that when He’s ready He will provide a house in our price range that I can live with.

7. Baby got some winter boots last week:

and DMIL made a pillow case to keep his beloved pillow clean (though the last 2 days he’s insisted on carrying around his blanket instead.)