On the flight home it was a much quieter trip, and I had lots of time to think. It began to hit me just how much time I have spent striving! How much energy I had wasted! I really had been trying way too hard! Jesus tells us, His yoke is EASY! His burden, is light!!! Staying close to God in His arms by following His leading: letting go in that place of complete trust is effortless, and it makes everything else so easy! *
As I looked back at how God had taken care of me that week, the care and attention He had taken in all these little details for me, I felt His love on a whole new level. In particular, it was not lost on me that my trip was ending on Divine Mercy Sunday. I had had a week of adventures, the conference, the incredible lessons, all culminating with confession and Mass for the feast of Divine Mercy THE SAME DAY; an abundance of sacramental graces to infuse these truths even more, and give me a completely fresh start in life. And I was just in awe at the thought: as most certainly the only Catholic attending this conference at a Lutheran church, did God really time the conference, perfectly with Divine Mercy Sunday, JUST FOR ME?! *
One other thing, Lynn had spoken freedom to me just to enjoy my kids again. I had gotten so caught up in all the other aspects of parenting and trying to bring obedience out in them, I had forgotten how to just enjoy their company and the incredible gifts that they are to me.
Back home I could see a major change in myself. Of course over the next few weeks I had to figure out how to integrate this new outlook of freedom into my life, but already I was catching my thoughts and surrendering when I never could before. I had really been plagued by worry and negativity and now I could often catch myself in that thinking and take those thoughts captive to Christ instead. But the biggest thing is that freedom from stress.
A HUGE weight had been lifted.
I knew control was a lie, and I had known better, but I hadn’t lived it. Honestly I don’t think I even knew practically how to let God be in control before. It was incredible, and I just knew this was going to bring new freedom to every area of my life! It was going to permeate every one of my relationships: with my husband, with my kids!
I have been quite controlling at times, particularly of my kids, especially because I felt that if I didn’t make sure X happened then it would be the end of the world. It was like a compulsive thing. I have had a deep need to be in control, and in the past it used to make me incredibly anxious, stressed and upset, every time something did not go how I wanted and felt it should. (which as a parent of young children, is, a LOT of the time!)
I used to spend so much time and energy worrying about how to fix things: my kids not obeying or cleaning up etc…our daily schedule not working – and I’d have to stop everything else and fix it, right now!
Instead, I’m learning that all these things will work out eventually, in God’s time. And the mess and clutter in the house, I can let go even more, because I know ultimately my heart (and theirs’) are more important than any tidy rooms…
I still struggle with trying to take control in small situations, conversations, frustrations etc, but stepping out of the driver’s seat of my life and letting God take over has brought unbelievable freedom and an abundance of blessings for me and for my family that I wouldn’t trade for the world. I know this freedom is nothing I could ever do. I could never break those chains that held me, ** It has been entirely His grace, for this freedom that I discovered is nothing short of the power of Christ, who lives in me.
I still typically make some kind of plan for the day, but I try to do it WITH Him, and then just let Him work out my day, my week, moment by moment. I also really try not to make firm decisions myself anymore, even in areas where I do have control. I know how strong my will is when I decide something, so I prefer to let God have the first say. Ideally, I try to take my own desires of it and then let God speak through my circumstances and through others. (Last summer we decided to move from our first little home. I knew I wanted the house that God had for us, so while I gave input in what I liked and didn’t, I really left the final decision up to DH and his friend who would be renting from us, trusting God to lead us all to the place where He wanted us. The house they both picked in the end wasn’t my favorite at the time, but it has turned out to be the perfect fit for us and I know we are exactly where we are meant to be.)
God has taught me in a very real and practical way how to let go and give up control of every detail of my life, so that He can be the One in charge.
He taught me that true surrender can only happen when we are willing to accept the real possibility of what we don’t want, happening.
And in that profound lesson He gave me the freedom I needed to say ‘well, if my son misses praying first thing in the morning today, it’s no big deal, God’s got it! God will take care of him.’
And so, on this trip, along with the freedom, God birthed in me incredible, unconditional trust. An unconditional surrender that He knew I would need down the road.
Jesus calls to us, come, ‘shoulder My yoke and learn from Me, for I am meek and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.’ It is only in the moments when I surrender completely to God that I find that rest that my soul longs for.
Everything God did for me He wants to do for you too, and for all of His children, if we will only surrender and put all our trust in Him. It all begins with a simple prayer from the heart, even if you feel nothing, if you have the desire to know or trust Him more, 5 small words is all it takes: ‘Jesus, I trust in You.’ Those 5 words could change your life forever, because you can bet, He’s listening.
God is good. He is in control. And if we will surrender ourselves completely into His hands, He will take us on the most amazing adventures! It is my great hope that my story will encourage you to step out and trust God more in your own lives. He really does have every little thing under control. And at the heart of everything He does, is love.
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