Archive for the ‘Holiness’ Category

Fri Jul 19
– a much needed good night’s sleep
– an egg spaceship
– rosary on nanny’s couch
– all my guys big and small working on a puzzle

– money to do things for our house!
-droplets with blue on beige brown and droplets with brown on dark blue

– boy’s in their new makeshift hangout space in the basement
– finding the right spot for dishes, glasses and silverware
– a cross now standing high over my kitchen sink
– my oldest excitedly bringing me his plant

– a chorus of shouts of ‘yes!’ to God in the back seat
– an adventure of discovery
– Horton!
– giant lobsters and hippos swimming under water
-2 floating heads!
– kids multiplying in the mirror
– buckets and buckets of Lego
-Baby with the display headphones
– building and engineering session for mummy

– Finally learning the secret to Guacamole, soft avocados!
-fresh fish on ice, gifts from the sea
– free samples!
– Mexican fiesta for dinner, this time with guacamole!
-The bridge in the fog

Sat Jul 20
– our new green bathroom
– baby surrounded by dollar bills
– baby helping daddy w the bunk beds and green tape
– a very green room
– boy’s sitting on the front porch
– a lamp left in our hallway just like the one from Pixar
– this house has the cross doors!!

– a way of surrender for him not to be late
– mattresses in the basement, we’ll sleep our first night in this house, in the basement
– grace I didn’t expect, God brought him back to me one last time – for a sleeping bag

– The tremendous gift of my SUMite sister to lift Me, my husband up in prayer and encouragement…
– an airplane in the basement
-middle son sitting quiet and sad for timeout ( unlike his brother at that moment)

– looking up from our new back deck to see a clear feather cloud
– Surrendering to His plan, whatever the outcome, everything, laid down for The Lord and for my husband.
– trust in Him and Him alone

– clouds like doves in the sky
– a great feather quill scrawling clouds across the sky
– a GREAT dove with one huge wing, wrapped over me
-my middle son when I told him to look up at the clouds looking up, exclaiming, ‘wow, they look like feathers!

– meeting the neighbours, she was just delighted that we moved in there, with the littles
– a contractor who worked on our house come by to personally offer his services

– super bike boy
– 3 boys w a mattress in the basement of our new house!
-grace on grace tonight.. DH and the other work party
– bedtime story snuggles w baby
– bible readings, keeping vigil through the night
– middle son saying the psalm response while drifting off to sleep, eyes closed: ‘God’s love is everlasting’
– gospel- conspired against him, when aware of this he departed…
– the bright white light, shining down the street
– th for walking with DH, and for walking with me through my SUM sister and the clouds.

Sun Jul 21

– smiley baby in a very good mood after a good night’s sleep
– baby trying to play with his sleeping big brother
– middle son, holding super bunny by the ears
– cloud rays of hope coming from behind the neighbours’ house
– kids eating cereal at the tiny superhero house table
– superman saying his prayers to Jesus in my kitchen
– boy’s sitting together eating breakfast in the driveway
– doves overhead
– lemon topped English muffin
– family chalk session
– chalking out the beauty from the night before
– a dove for a friend
-Great sweeping dove-like clouds
– great hope and joy in HIM
– an open door to sunshine at the end of the hall
-boys running a business, behind a great desk

– discovering my beautiful crucifix is special, and old
– a great dove over the church parking lot

– a tough opening for tough love
– the HS to guide me when I felt completely lost
– Mumford and sons, loud music to get me through, and Jesus to hold me
– hope in my pain, this is part of something greater/bigger

– a place to come home to
– the big crucifix, still with me in my purse, God, still with me.
– my newest little nephew to brighten my day
– baby didn’t kick me, that was a feet high 5 on the cheek! Aww!
– savoury devilled eggs
– my little guy in the tiny baby seat
– my brother’s childhood friend all grown up, holding the baby
– fun w sookies!
– a tiny baby to cuddle during my hour of mercy prayer time
– a garden sanctuary
–story time w Anthony, a gift of laughter when I needed it most
– strawberry mouse and sunken dinosaurs
– little sleeping baby, all wrapped up

– Mass, again, a source of great comfort and strength
– the hard gift of resembling Jesus, who willingly entered into his Passion.
– a scribble page on which my son wrote his name
– The blue cross, still with me, mom able to open it up and show it off

– apology on my phone
– boy’s tucked in on a mattress in the basement, one at each end
– the perfect bedtime story for this night, I’ll love you forever
– middle son, in dreamland already
– clear guidance from the HS, ‘he descended into hell, on the third day he rose again’

Mon Jul 22

-Fan of feathers in the sky
– a great cross in the clouds
– the beauty of trust
– baby on the toddler scooter
– my oldest w a buddy playing in the splash pad

– songs on the radio that gave hope and voice to my soul
– a tangible sign of commitment and love, a trip to the hardware store for green painting tape
– juice packs and pitas, God’s provision, food to grab and go
– dropping Jesus off at home

– a moment so surreal, the kids and I walking into a hotel
– God’s extravagant provision
– boy’s jumping on the beds
– my oldest, looking out the window and shouting excitedly, we’re in Canada!!!
– my intentional life shirt, along for this soul journey

-authenticity- a broken soul at a hotel window
– the beauty of pure sacrificial love
– boy’s tearing down the hall in search of the pool
– the perfect, single depth kiddie pool for them to play in
-a moment beginning to teach my oldest to swim
– a vast open air patio
– baby with his doggie friend
– being blessed to the point where I forgot I was sad
– little toddler wrapped in towels
– a great angel in the clouds
– bright photographic scenes in the elevator
– my best friend there at the desk, paying for our room, and my oldest, hanging from it

– playground evening picnic from my childhood, my best friend, unknowingly planning and recreating a favorite childhood memory for me
– my oldest and I catching up our rosary on the picnic table
– raw testimony, walking through my own passion before my best friend

– the moon full and round outside our window
– my oldest asleep with his feet tucked behind his head
– reading the last few chapters of winning him- I need all the wisdom I can get..
– and what should I have tucked in my book, but a Christmas card of the 3 boys and a photo of hubby, still there from when I brought them to share in Texas!
– how God prepares us ahead of time, to walk through all storms that we will face…
-words of hope from a friend, it’s all going to be okay.

Tues Jul 23

– awake and unable to sleep, time to pray and just to be alone with God
– bible intros, God’s love story
– words leaping of the pages of scripture, a message, for HIM.
– time alone, to grieve and pray in the quiet of night
– a blanket to wrap up in, Your arms around me
– all my prayer stuff spread on the windowsill before me like an altar of my love

– sunrise over the city
– a weathered feather scrawling in the sky
– Mary sweetness

– morning brother snuggles
– 3 boys looking out the window
– the perfect place to go
– complete abandonment to God, right by the main city roundabout
-all of us taking in the view from the 15th floor- people like ants and cars like dinkies

– little girl baby come to visit
– mommy and baby, both so beautiful
– little baby and my best friend joining us in the pool
– baby girl splashing
– no pool toys, no problem, we’ll use our croc shoes!
– croc shoes riding on flutter board boats
– indoor pool oasis
– the panels in the studio window framed a perfect cross

– praying by the ocean in the driving rain
– the final drive in
– spotting him a ways off, and running to him with open arms
– being ‘home’ again
– reaching out to show him love
– a shed that can be built in a day
– hardware samplers, shingles and tiny stone blocks
– Quiznos!
– boy’s eating subs in the back seat,
– holding hands

– time to really talk
– finding out the truth; that he wanted nothing to do with temptation because he loves ME.
-walking through it all with DH, on the way to healing
– forgiveness, reconciliation followed by an unexpected surprise
– amazing grace, God has used this to transform our marriage, we’ve never been more in love
– sharing with him how God was behind it all, and that none of this would have happened if I hadn’t been following God’s directions!
– wonder and awe at how God chose to bless my husband, and in a way he really could not ignore God’s role in it.

Wed Jul 24

-Grace upon grace- this time for BOTH of us!! What a resurrection!
– green and pink bathroom
– pikachu suspended from the swiffer
– morning prayer together w Jesus on the back deck
– harmony of alleluias
– baby reverently kneeling down before Jesus in the monstrance
-praising my heart out to the kid cd!
– my FIL calling to me excitedly the second I came in the door, and our old appliances free for the taking on kijiji 😉
– superman perched way up in the back of the seat

– a long chat with my heArt sister from church about everything God has been doing in our lives!
– the two of us, on our knees praying the divine mercy together in our living room!

– God’s NOT DEAD!!!
– an abundance of socks all matched up
– middle son tucked up in my bed
– the desks we were promised, still available now that I finally reached the lady who has them
-‘ Jesus just called you’ – DH. Good, because I couldn’t find him anywhere ( my phone)

Thurs Jul 25

-“as you listen to the birds”, JC opening as the birds were singing around me, God moment!
-my oldest counting to 300 to mark 5 min… ( made it to 112 slowly…)
– a strange creature emerged from the depths of our basement
– an article in flourish on woman, the glory of man

– 3 o’clock praise and worship before the blue cross
-A soul at my front door, during the hour of mercy. Instead of singing and praying this day I had put on music.
Right as I signed the papers, the words, ‘what can wash away my sin, nothing but the blood of Jesus!!!’ were echoing out of our home!

– hubby bracing the door open for groceries, letting my music be heard in the front yard 😉

– a big puddle in our driveway
– the kitchen garbage from right out of my thoughts- when we were looking at the house I had a vision of garbage and recycling bins side by side. Little did I know at the time that they could be found in the same container!!!
– starter prayer shelf in the kitchen cupboard

– sharing the blessing of our new house w my friend’s parents, and a little of how God was behind it all
– guacamole on my own, w cilantro, garlic and more lime mine was even better!
– boy’s saying bedtime prayers in our Mary blue living room to Jesus on the blue cross, on the mantle


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I am the Light of the world. Men crawl through their lives cursing the darkness, but all the while I am shining brightly. I desire each of My followers to be a Light-bearer. The Holy Spirit who lives in you can shine from your face, making Me visible to people around you. Ask My Spirit to live through you, as you wind your way through this day. Hold My hand in joyful trust, for I never leave your side. The Light of My Presence is shining upon you. Brighten up the world by reflecting who I am.

Jesus Calling, by Sarah Young

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I have wrestled in the darkness of this lonely pilgrim land
Raising strong and mighty fortresses that I alone command
But these castles I’ve constructed by the strength of my own hand
Are just temporary kingdoms on foundations made of sand

In the middle of the battle I believe I’ve finally found
I’ll never know the thrill of victory ’til I’m willing to lay down
All my weapons of defense and earthly strategies of war
So I’m laying down my arms and running helplessly to Yours

I surrender all my silent hopes and dreams
Though the price to follow costs me everything
I surrender all my human soul desires
If sacrifice requires
That all my kingdoms fall
I surrender all

If the source of my ambition is the treasure I obtain
If I measure my successes on a scale of earthly gain
If the focus of my vision is the status I attain
My accomplishments are worthless and my efforts are in vain

So I lay aside these trophies to pursue a higher crown
And should You choose somehow to use the life I willingly lay
I surrender all the triumph for it’s only by Your grace
I relinquish all the glory, I surrender all the praise

Everything I am, all I’ve done, and all I’ve known
Now belongs to You, the life I live is not my own
Just as Abraham laid Isaac on the sacrificial fire
If all I have is all that You desire
I surrender all
Songwriter(s): David E. Moffitt
Copyright: New Spring Publishing Inc.
Official lyrics powered by

Lyrics from eLyrics.net

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As I went to do a chore I didn’t want to and then had Jesus join me, and it suddenly hit me: I don’t gripe when I have Jesus with me because then it’s not a burden…It doesn’t matter what it is.

Something to remember often. With Him, nothing is a chore. Hard work maybe, but not a chore.

Also, through the way I have been personally relating to Jesus as a physical person, something deep and childlike going on in my heart. I want to be Your saint- and that means I need to let You live in me, not to be perfect! Holiness is simply letting You live in me, all the time.

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Feb 20

A few months ago I recieved an invitation to a SUM conference in April. It was to be held in the southern US and that is a long way to travel for a Canadian, so I smiled at the thought and then it settled to the back of my mind.

Well, it didn’t stay there. As the Holy Spirit so often does when we don’t respond to His leading the first time, the idea resurfaced and has stuck with me. After reading a post in which God spoke to Lynn about someday having to step down from her ministry – and maybe soon – it did highlight a sense of urgency with this particular conference. I have longed to meet Lynn ever since I found in her such a kindred spirit and before the announcement of the conference my best inspiration was that if we took the boys to Cars Land in the next couple years then while we were in California I could meet up with her since that’s where she lives, but it was really only a pipe dream.

Then last night I did a bit more thinking and discerning about the conference. It started after I woke up from a strange (as in how did that get there) dream about tornados – little ones that would spring up out of nowhere… and winds that were so strong you had to bunker down. Like every 5 minutes :S

Besides the whole I’ve never done this before, flying by myself is nerve racking because what if I miss/get the wrong plane! There is a certain amount of fear associated with traveling all alone, with an infant, to a state down south where I’ve never been. Strange city, young woman all alone… you know.

Fear… what was I just reading about fear the other day? Fear: A catalyst for growth, a chance to really put my trust in God. This would certainly be an opportunity to do plenty of that!

If the main reason I don’t think I will go is fear, then I think I have my answer, but still, how do I know if God really wants me to go? – yes it could be a once in a life-time opportunity., I know I will learn from the conference itself and the whole experience like I always do, and I long to meet Lynn in person and feel called to go to meet some OTHER community members. If I was only going for the talks then yes it would be incredibly selfish to take off far away for a few days and pay that kind of money for such a short conference – but it’s so much more than that – meeting Lynn, and Dineen, and establishing a personal community, a major adventure with really only God as my guide and a definite opportunity to grow leaps and bounds in my faith and my marriage.

DH was concerned about the money and asked if it would be web cast etc… but otherwise he seemed ok with it. He didn’t seem to think it that crazy of me to want to head to the southern united states all of a sudden for a 2-3 day whirwind trip. Huh. Of course there is still the money, but I can work something out, if God wants me to go, afterall, I didn’t have all the money for Rise Up either, and it was still a very worthwhile experience.

Also, I always find it easier to make a concrete change when I’m at a conference. I mean, when I just resolve 1 day to make a change, it usually doesn’t stick, it’s when the resolve is coupled with an EXPERIENCE that I find myself truly changing on a deeper level.

Sometimes God asks you to do some crazy things. And, if I’m honest in the pursuit of holiness in all my decisions, then this is actually a pretty easy one. These words from a book I’ve been reading came to mind:

“The saints simply asked themselves, “What is God’s will for this moment” If they concluded that something would help them draw nearer to God and the best version of themselves God desired them to be, then they embraced it.

When I think about whether this trip would help make me the best version of myself, I know it would force me to rely on God in a big way, it would teach me more about the world and people far away that I could share God’s heart for them, it would be a fulfillment of a dream and it would help me grow in my marriage as well. There is no doubt about that one, so even though it’s expensive, I just might go. I even prayerfully had the idea that when I go to buy my ticket at the airport we can check out the plane museum as a family. (Update, DH thought it would be crazy to go to the airport to book a flight :S)

Overall my best friend ( my outside voice of reason and wisdom) was really supportive and excited for me. She said – I think it’s a great opportunity and you should go for it, but I also think there will be huge obstacles’, which is true, but nice to know she doesn’t think I’m crazy for wanting to go! Turns out my spiritual director thought it was not unreasonable either. 🙂

It still doesn’t feel real yet, but I have great peace and I’m starting to see the pieces coming together bit by bit.

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Feb 6

These are my notes from the Q and A session with one of our local theologians. I realized things while typing this up today: 1. I really LOVE theology, and 2. theology has a lot of words that spell check doesn’t recognize! 😀


Q & A with a local Theologian

Q on Papal Infallability

How can the Pope always be right?

God is good because God has made Himself to be good — speak the truth given by God’s life
In Jesus we see true Lordship – the loving servant.
In Jesus we see true Power – not like worldy power
There is always this hope in a sea of uncertainty – hope in what God Himself has revealed. The HS is a necessary condition for anyone to speak the Truth.

Of course, the Pope can refuse God’s self-giving and they do several times a day (just like us) but when they are in line with God – they are most Pope like, and then there are times when they are less the pope.
So, let’s say the Pope proclaimed the non-divinity of Christ – in doing so he would be divorcing himself from the papacy (by refusing/rejecting that which it stands for) – so he would no longer be infallible.

The church is the yes to the Holy Spirit which leads to the presence of God within. It’s the Christoformation of matter through the embodiment of the holy spirit.

So, in the popest moments of the Pope – we have, levels of papal sanctification – then yes he is infallible.


Q on Science and Religion
Can you comment on some of the contradictions between science and religion?
Science. We were picking insects out of each other’s fur and burning each other at the stake until 1 day someone invented science. – and all of a sudden we have computers and toasters and men on the moon.

Ugh. Science – sciencia.

There are more than one kinds of knowledge. :?:???
Knowledge as in sciencia pertains to repeatable things. (And while it’s not under my control I can say that about my faith- there are certain repeated experiences!)

So here’s a cup – this is knowledge – my brain works and works – it’s clear, plastic hard, x inches tall – there now I know the cup – and the cup stays the same.
God reveals himself to us and we are passive to it.
Love is natural and reciprocal – it’s a relationship.

Knowledge of Love or justice or beauty or truth or goodness or God – is not knowledge at all.

Sciencia is useful for understanding our world, but the vast majority of knowledge that makes life worth living – is NOT sciencia. (love, justice, beauty, goodness….)

Truth – that which IS.

Here I am, this selfish mess of biological drives, a destructive force in the world, and then God reaches out with salvation, and my trajectory changes. Gazing on Christ we can know the good, see the good, and even do the good.
We can know God the Father through our fatherhood. We can know Christ through our service and love of others.

There has to be this union of my foot with the cup, for it to move. People in this world are moved by love justice etc…

Everyone who does not refuse a relationship with God – is in relationship. And you can definitely be in relationship with Jesus, and find out his name later.


Q Why 4 different Gospels ?
Mark was telling them: here’s the real story of your faith. John’s gospel expresses the faith of the people…

If I throw juice on Emily and then I throw pop on Emily and I ask her which was better – she’ll say there different, but they’re the same – they’re both WET.  Both gospels tell the genealogy of the church.


Q on Souls and is anyone really in hell?

If someone hits us, we experience adrenaline and we have two nantural biological responses: fight or flight – neither of which is ‘turn the other cheek’. Through God’s gifts of Himself we have this third option.

Our soul is just that which is necessary for a thing to be what it is.. it’s the sheepness of a sheep. It’s the Davidness of David. Our souls are naturally and always oriented to our biological drives. But now we have this third option, the response of love. God gives us the grace to choose love instead. And we are free to choose. **Without God’s grace we would all be slaves to our biological drives but without the biology we would all be God’s robots. It’s this balance of both God’s grace and our biological drives that holds us in this place of freedom**

Of course, we are fallen. Our biological drives are very easily pulled by concupiscence. I love my daughters and that is a good thing, but w/o God’s grace this love can easily become a need to spend too much on them, or become tribalistic – (my family over yours type thing I think) and w/o God it can degenerate into that VERY QUICKLY.
Concupiscence is like a gravitational pull that acts on all our desires.

All human souls are in relationship with God. They are in relationship with God simply because God loves them. It might be a one way relationship but there it is. With a sheep, the soul dies with the sheep but with us – it doesn’t, because God has a relationship with us. God is eternal, and our soul, is bound to God forever, and it is by this relationship, that we inherit and share in His eternal nature.

There is no soul that has no relationship with God. (though some relationships are very broken) They are in relationship with God simply because God loves them. Hell – we suppose – souls in hell are still in some kind of relationship with God,. There is an experience of the beatific vision enough to give the understanding of what one has missed out on. They experience a hint of relationship with God – enough to know what they have missed.
Remember, the Lord’s house has many rooms. Sponge and water there are souls that are soaked in God’s love and then there are other souls that are dry and parched.

To recap, all of us, we have our biological drives, and through the holy spirit we also have an alternative to them.

All creation has a soul, and a relationship with God: sheepness birdness, Tylerness or Noahness….

Sheep – a sheep’s soul dies with the sheep. It’s sheepness dies with it’s body. But our soul does not. Through the Holy Spirit and God’s self-giving, we are in a relationship with God – andsince God is eternal this relationship must be eternal – which makes us eternal as well.

Of course we can’t judge the state of anyone’s soul, and we can only speculate on the next life.


Reflection and Thoughts

People watching at the mall – Look at these people, all these people, people who I really know nothing about, but God does! He loves them as much as He loves me – all these people, here and all over the world, and in every age! Woah. The boundless Love of our God!

God, loves these people, I’m looking them in the eye and God has a plan for them, a way for them to be the best version of themselves – if I could see what God sees I bet I’d find out all sorts of amazing things about these people, this one’s a great cellist and that one’s a born administrator etc…this one has a real passion for selling cars? — and the world NEEDS these people! All of them. They’re all different, but all very much needed… God, He knows what motivates them, what drives them, what they struggle with, everything, and He has a unique plan of salvation for each and every one of them. Each unique individual has value for their own sake, for who they are and because they are loved by God.

He sees in a child, and in all of us, all that we could be. We see a wriggly baby or an immature child, but God sees ALL that they will, and all that they could, become!

Of course, we don’t always choose his way, and some never do, and still – He sees the great future he had planned for them. 😦 But by His very nature, He will do all He can to give them His best in this life, so it’s still worthwhile to pray, because, while everyone has free will and God won’t force Himself on anyone, God can and I think certainly does shower graces even on those who don’t receive Him – and they are always free to respond to them.

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Ever since I learned this about the patron Saint of our church, I can’t get it out of my head.

Saint John Vianney

“During the first few weeks he spent time visiting each of the sixty families in his parish. He would talk to them about every aspect of life. What he was really doing was making a moral assessment of his parish. He found that the people’s spiritual lives were in great need of restoration. They cared little for the church having been seduced by the pleasures common to every age…

The new cure understood the meaning and value of the words ‘ This kind can only be cast out by prayer and fasting”. Father Vianney began a one-man campaign of prayer and fasting, offering all his sacrifices to God for the conversion of the people in his parish.

Many considered his penances too severe. He slept on the floor, went for days without food, and for several years ate nothing but a boiled potato each day. But the graces borne from his sacrifices brought clarity to his mind, and they flooded his soul and the souls of his parishioners with abundant grace.

The cure preached boldly and without reservation about the evils of his community. . . The people reacted violently at first, but in time, the cure’s prayer, fasting and the example he set began to reap a tremendous harvest.”

These words have stuck with me because they spoke VOLUMES to me.

(Exerpts are taken from Rediscovering Catholicism, a book by Matthew Kelly)

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