Archive for the ‘Struggles’ Category

In the Eye of the Swirl

When I read this it cut straight to my heart, so I pray it will bless you too.

For the Lord would say, “You feel at times you do not have the strength to get through your day. At times, you are so stressed and you feel, ‘Lord, I just want to come aside, but my life and everything around me feels like a swirl. I feel like I live in a swirl.'”

But the Lord would say, “My children, I will put you in the eye of the storm.” “There are moments of every day when you awaken and you’re just telling Me you love Me, or you’re going to sleep and you’re just giving Me the burdens of your heart. Know that I am with you. Know that I am hearing you. There are times when there are so many frustrations and they pile in upon you. And there are so many things that seem to come at you from everywhere, that you cannot even seem to sort out your feelings. But I never stopped listening to you, child. I never ignore you. I hear every whisper. I see every need. And know this: I care about you. I care about your frustrations. I care about your stress. I care about your needs. I care about your finances. I care about children. I care about school. I care about aging parents. I care,” says the Lord.

And the Lord says, “Today, as you’re hearing Me, let Me lift the heavy burden. Let Me lift it off of your shoulders. My burden is easy. Children, there is no burden I cannot carry. There is nothing too much for Me to answer. There is nothing too great that I am not in the midst of You,” says the Lord. “So in the midst of this season and all the many, many things going on in your life, know that I am always there, walking with you every day, listening to you every morning,” says the Lord.

Source: I Will Put You in the Eye of the Storm


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Struggle, and what it has to do with loneliness:

When I struggle, that is when I desperately seek out comfort and encouragement. If I feel I’m struggling, then for w/e reason, I’m not finding it – so this will help bring peace in those times.

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Fri Sept 20

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– all the kids coming over and sitting w me on the kitchen floor to eat their breakfast too
– our living room, less cluttered than it’s ever been!
– my friend in my kitchen, cooking something delicious for us while I told her some of my glory stories- everything God’s been doing in my life the last few years except for Texas and God’s most recent miracle
– kids discovering a brand new awesome playground: the skatepark ๐Ÿ™‚
– baby turtle show on Netflix , so cute ๐Ÿ™‚
– sleeping baby snuggled under a warm blanket
– big kid riding circles around the driveway
– phone call w a political rep and a chance to have my voice heard

– more evidence of God’s wisdom and power w this move

Sat Sept 21

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– roofing day…DH is helping my friend repair the roof of her house, alongside some Franciscan brothers..
– people I love up on a roof

– at last, superman got his flying dinosaur!
– foam Dino’s in their n64 world
– boys arriving at the fair
– my little superman pitcher scoring himself both chips AND pop w bean bags
– our first scavenger hunt, together we came in 2nd!
– 3 boys, even the littlest in a bouncy castle

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– blue sharks splashing in the pool
– the grace of actually being prepared! Sweaters and everything)
– boy’s all tied up in a hammock, swinging way up high w/O falling out
– hazy harbour scene

Sun Sept 22

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– grace here, kneeling on the floor on my pajamas, and w DH still there in bed
– beautiful day, windy but warm

– my little superman’s decision that he would share his love w a friend, and how that hug softened an angry little heart

– baby w his ride-on, scooting all around the driveway, using it as transportation from the steps to the car

– an angel looking down from the clouds
– egg puff w broccoli AND cauliflower
– lesson planning, jumping in w both feet, and w the help of the Holy Spirit figuring out how to work all the weeks while still coordinating the special days w their corresponding lessons ( and this sorting the rest of the weeks out)
– my ‘bday present’ from superman
– a sea of egg cartons

– my oldest watching intently as priests spoke about being a real man after Christ etc…
– my big kid really into the praise w his drum arms
– the incredible blessing of being here and receiving You, twice today
– my oldest rockin’ it on the drums
– our schoolroom all tidy and ready for the first day ๐Ÿ™‚

Mon Sept 13 First Official Day of Kindergarten

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– tiny little bums sticking up as sleepy kids roll over
– ‘Are you sleeping’, kid wake up music!
– cool fresh morning, clouds on the way out
– superman deciding to say his prayers all on his own
-w/o the distraction of praise music FIRST thing, breakfast on the table just after 8!

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– perfect first day photos, outside and w his brothers in front of the dino wall
– DH coaching our oldest to draw mountains as practice for the letter A
– DH right away seeing what I no longer noticed: that the table was too high and our son would do much better in the school desk!
– while I was working w my school kid to draw a picture of himself- DH got out the bath foam letters and was helping the littler ones stick them to the wall! So creative ๐Ÿ™‚
– my son’s 1st self portrait ( w a little help) complete w monster hands
-the moments where DH was helping his son w school or working magic w the younger two- everything he brought to our homeschool and our day, worth the frustration of having him home w us today ๐Ÿ™‚

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– tiny tot curled up on the couch
– a re-do trip to the skatepark, to document the excitement ๐Ÿ™‚
– a first day picnic at our skatepark playground
– superman running fast fast!
– fall baby walking in fall leaves

– superhero story time w daddy and his boys
-‘Because of his quackness…. ‘ ๐Ÿ™‚

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– baby flying up and down the road on his ride-on toy
– daddy riding on the back and even pulling a wheelie w superman on the tricycle
– family bike time, and my oldest getting faster and faster

– coloured layers in the evening sky
– a beautiful opening prayer service
– w a reception, perfect since I had missed dinner!
Wow, we are so blessed to have what we have w our inlaws, whenever we need something they have been there, and somehow, across great divides, we are all Christ to each other.
– surrender, and God’s timing

Tues Sept 24

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– I’m thankful that I get more Cheerios! ( j)
– – that we get to do 1 page in who Am I today ( T)
– ty for making a beautiful Cheerio tree

– going through some of our school opening even before everyone’s done breakfast when necessary…it helps when we’re running late

– folding diapers while my son practiced his letter As ๐Ÿ™‚
– a wonderful meditation, on working out our salvation, and just what God wanted to share w someone on my FB ๐Ÿ™‚
– deep green couch and stripes in the cozy blanket,and a perfect spot for a nap

-surprise, a kitty curled in the grass
– spontaneous kitty love ๐Ÿ™‚
– the cat that would not leave my side as I walked on, so I told it to come along, and it did
– the kitty walking before me like an angel
-it followed me all the way home, NEVER LEAVING MY SIDE

Wed Sept 25

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– 2 boys attentive w missals
– praying like the woman w the hemorrhage, if I but touch him
– morning prayer of trust from the depths of my soul before Jesus
-our missing blankie, spotted by my oldest on a shelf at church
– baby goldfish feet

– kid sanctioned/initiated quiet rest time
– boy’s snuggled up watching dinosaurs
– my big kid discovering a great affinity for fresh peas, shelling every one he could get his hands on- and eating them all too
– lesson planning from the couch

– love persisting, and hope that kept fighting, despite the evidence
– the boys left to play w DH’s buddy, just the 4 of them ๐Ÿ™‚
– an IV bag being squeezed by a blood pressure pump
– That God lets me know about these major events ahead of time, even giving idea of when they will occur, such that I know so clearly that He is in it and behind it
– new experiences: riding in an ambulance to get to the other hospital
– unconditional love all around me in my time of need
– a sweet gesture from DH’s friend, a link to some comforting bible verses
– my sweet SUMITES ( and mom too) lifting me up w words of love and in prayer
– at last freedom to go home and rest

Thurs Sept 26

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– coming into nanny’s room, a little brighter and inviting, a tiny gift of hope
– baby brought me a pirate ship to sail the blanket sea ๐Ÿ™‚
– my SUM sisters walking by my side through all of this w words of love and divine wisdom
– breakfast in bed, delicious apple pancakes
-Oh Lord, I thank You for making Your ways so clear to me.
-morning rest: prayer, love over fb, and some music to help me feel better

-3 boys w playdoh…
– a lunch date w just DH and baby
– light but hearty lunch
– baby giving me a horseshoe fry
-out the window, a dome-like globe in the sky, as I continued to think about our ‘miracle baby’

– beads for a special project
– words and messages of love and hope all around me
– a spontaneous hunt for apple pie, just because we can

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Fri Aug 16

– happy little lightning bug holding a diaper

– beauty in the sky, God in the clouds overhead
– little lightning bug trapped in a car
– the power of sock monster
– singing cat chat songs softly to stop baby from crying till we were at the rest stop

– finally being able to delete photos to fix my phone

– rosary on the grass by Timmy’s, and two feathers!
– baby drinking from the empty beer can

– cozy evening by the fire
– one last visit w friends

Sat aug 17

– Blandford’s newest campground
– tiny feather on the picnic table
– baby playing w 4 different balls
– feather ๐Ÿ™‚
– seeing the visitors off

– time to REST, while baby napped beside me, I caught up: type a day of gifts, read a day of Word Among Us..
– one on one time to hear from God

-butter pecan ice cream sweet like pineapple
– the coolest toy cell phone
– putting back the periwinkles
– stinky skuuunnnnk !!
– golden hills and wide open sky

Sun Aug 18

– a visit tot he neighbor’s yard
– heart happy-church w my whole family ๐Ÿ™‚
– kids being little angels there
– all of us talking w other parishioners, part of the community

– feather!
– a teeny tiny white feather in the grass
-time alone to put together the cloud album
-clean counters

– a feather w blue tip
– baby hugging and kissing the Jesus statue, they’re the same height!!

– laundry and prophecy- cloud is moving
– a window visit to Derek’s apt and w his parents
– baby making the glory oh Lord cross on his lips before the gospel

Mon Aug 19

– God sent a kitty to delight all of us this morning ๐Ÿ™‚
– 3 boys w books/materials around the school table
– I’m iron man, cause that’s how I am so irony!
– that Spyro came for a visit (t and j)
– and that I’m in my iron man shirt
– him w his little eyes closed in prayer for the psalm
– baby sound asleep clutching Mary

– God blessing me with a house full of sleeping children so that I had time to
pray along w my fasting
– a delicious meal
– out alone w God
– feathers!
– 4 special keys by the side of the road
– one last candy left, sweet like a vanilla cupcake
– Smurfs on Derek’s big tv

Tues Aug 20

– BBQ doodles
– tomato cucumber sandwich, mmmm
– being well on schedule for lunch etc, despite starting the day an hour late!
– now I’m making home cooked meals every night: the fun of getting to cook and try new delicious recipes

– kids declaring an apple party
-at last, a playroom layout that works!
-and a space for the play kitchen next to the real one
-at last, the red and blue matching school desks we were promised, delivered and in our house!

-baby with his own feather
-apple soccer
-the feather game, not 3 but FOUR – and how he would bat the light one with the big one and watch it float down
– the cutest little wooden aderondak chair by the side of the road
-An airplane grocery cart with FLAMES on it!

Wed Aug 21

– an encounter and an awesome opportunity
-little brothers holding hands walking up to the church
– being overcome before Jesus on the altar
– baby kneeling before the blessed sacrament
– a plethora of unopened toys to trade for smurfs
– smurfs!
-tiny ice cream cones w our happy meals!

– more treasures by the side of the road, knex, a nice blanket, a photo board and a kiddie pool!
– “hey party planner, plan my birthday!”

– sweetly broken at the foot of the cross, what He did for me
– a jet trail spanning the length of the open sky- My love for you, no beginning and no end

– my oldest took it upon himself and changed the toilet paper roll, and he put it the right way ๐Ÿ˜€
– 3 boys w a few centimetres of water
– someone took a drive all the way over to Jesus ๐Ÿ™‚

– words of great wisdom as God continues to lead me through more of the Old Testament
– the best made up bedtime bible story ( condensed)

Thurs Aug 22

wisdom and realization regarding the negative impact of entitlement
– Dinos at the ready in my school cupboard

– baby w the flag for O Canada
– Dino activity pad w puzzles to solve
– the set of Dino books I bought last spring at the bookstore, I’m so glad I went ahead and picked them up ๐Ÿ™‚
– Dino tail to guide my little reader through the words
– 3 boys all standing on the couch in anticipation of their Dino show

-thanks to letting go of expectations; though I am really tired, we are having a great day!
-scribbles all over my beautiful dining room cabinet: THANKFUL, that it’s pencil.
– easy leftovers and power for lunchtime
– chalk drawings of the trees

– cheese, a knife, construction paper strips and a straw: Making Babybel poke balls for movie night ๐Ÿ™‚

– news on fb, PRAISE God! A Protestant speaker who has an amazing story and who has become very interested in Catholicism, is going to convert, AND become a PRIEST!! What a redemption!!
– diaper Cheerios

– prayer walk, my favourite time of the day, this time walking up the hill w You just makes me giddy w happiness!
– a feather dove!
– the clouds, Lord, you make me weak in the knees
– Pokemon movie night ๐Ÿ™‚
– critters on a plate

– HARD grace. Hard to be grateful, but, every crucifixion means a resurrection.

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Fri Jul 19
– a much needed good night’s sleep
– an egg spaceship
– rosary on nanny’s couch
– all my guys big and small working on a puzzle

– money to do things for our house!
-droplets with blue on beige brown and droplets with brown on dark blue

– boy’s in their new makeshift hangout space in the basement
– finding the right spot for dishes, glasses and silverware
– a cross now standing high over my kitchen sink
– my oldest excitedly bringing me his plant

– a chorus of shouts of ‘yes!’ to God in the back seat
– an adventure of discovery
– Horton!
– giant lobsters and hippos swimming under water
-2 floating heads!
– kids multiplying in the mirror
– buckets and buckets of Lego
-Baby with the display headphones
– building and engineering session for mummy

– Finally learning the secret to Guacamole, soft avocados!
-fresh fish on ice, gifts from the sea
– free samples!
– Mexican fiesta for dinner, this time with guacamole!
-The bridge in the fog

Sat Jul 20
– our new green bathroom
– baby surrounded by dollar bills
– baby helping daddy w the bunk beds and green tape
– a very green room
– boy’s sitting on the front porch
– a lamp left in our hallway just like the one from Pixar
– this house has the cross doors!!

– a way of surrender for him not to be late
– mattresses in the basement, we’ll sleep our first night in this house, in the basement
– grace I didn’t expect, God brought him back to me one last time – for a sleeping bag

– The tremendous gift of my SUMite sister to lift Me, my husband up in prayer and encouragement…
– an airplane in the basement
-middle son sitting quiet and sad for timeout ( unlike his brother at that moment)

– looking up from our new back deck to see a clear feather cloud
– Surrendering to His plan, whatever the outcome, everything, laid down for The Lord and for my husband.
– trust in Him and Him alone

– clouds like doves in the sky
– a great feather quill scrawling clouds across the sky
– a GREAT dove with one huge wing, wrapped over me
-my middle son when I told him to look up at the clouds looking up, exclaiming, ‘wow, they look like feathers!

– meeting the neighbours, she was just delighted that we moved in there, with the littles
– a contractor who worked on our house come by to personally offer his services

– super bike boy
– 3 boys w a mattress in the basement of our new house!
-grace on grace tonight.. DH and the other work party
– bedtime story snuggles w baby
– bible readings, keeping vigil through the night
– middle son saying the psalm response while drifting off to sleep, eyes closed: ‘God’s love is everlasting’
– gospel- conspired against him, when aware of this he departed…
– the bright white light, shining down the street
– th for walking with DH, and for walking with me through my SUM sister and the clouds.

Sun Jul 21

– smiley baby in a very good mood after a good night’s sleep
– baby trying to play with his sleeping big brother
– middle son, holding super bunny by the ears
– cloud rays of hope coming from behind the neighbours’ house
– kids eating cereal at the tiny superhero house table
– superman saying his prayers to Jesus in my kitchen
– boy’s sitting together eating breakfast in the driveway
– doves overhead
– lemon topped English muffin
– family chalk session
– chalking out the beauty from the night before
– a dove for a friend
-Great sweeping dove-like clouds
– great hope and joy in HIM
– an open door to sunshine at the end of the hall
-boys running a business, behind a great desk

– discovering my beautiful crucifix is special, and old
– a great dove over the church parking lot

– a tough opening for tough love
– the HS to guide me when I felt completely lost
– Mumford and sons, loud music to get me through, and Jesus to hold me
– hope in my pain, this is part of something greater/bigger

– a place to come home to
– the big crucifix, still with me in my purse, God, still with me.
– my newest little nephew to brighten my day
– baby didn’t kick me, that was a feet high 5 on the cheek! Aww!
– savoury devilled eggs
– my little guy in the tiny baby seat
– my brother’s childhood friend all grown up, holding the baby
– fun w sookies!
– a tiny baby to cuddle during my hour of mercy prayer time
– a garden sanctuary
–story time w Anthony, a gift of laughter when I needed it most
– strawberry mouse and sunken dinosaurs
– little sleeping baby, all wrapped up

– Mass, again, a source of great comfort and strength
– the hard gift of resembling Jesus, who willingly entered into his Passion.
– a scribble page on which my son wrote his name
– The blue cross, still with me, mom able to open it up and show it off

– apology on my phone
– boy’s tucked in on a mattress in the basement, one at each end
– the perfect bedtime story for this night, I’ll love you forever
– middle son, in dreamland already
– clear guidance from the HS, ‘he descended into hell, on the third day he rose againโ€™

Mon Jul 22

-Fan of feathers in the sky
– a great cross in the clouds
– the beauty of trust
– baby on the toddler scooter
– my oldest w a buddy playing in the splash pad

– songs on the radio that gave hope and voice to my soul
– a tangible sign of commitment and love, a trip to the hardware store for green painting tape
– juice packs and pitas, God’s provision, food to grab and go
– dropping Jesus off at home

– a moment so surreal, the kids and I walking into a hotel
– God’s extravagant provision
– boy’s jumping on the beds
– my oldest, looking out the window and shouting excitedly, we’re in Canada!!!
– my intentional life shirt, along for this soul journey

-authenticity- a broken soul at a hotel window
– the beauty of pure sacrificial love
– boy’s tearing down the hall in search of the pool
– the perfect, single depth kiddie pool for them to play in
-a moment beginning to teach my oldest to swim
– a vast open air patio
– baby with his doggie friend
– being blessed to the point where I forgot I was sad
– little toddler wrapped in towels
– a great angel in the clouds
– bright photographic scenes in the elevator
– my best friend there at the desk, paying for our room, and my oldest, hanging from it

– playground evening picnic from my childhood, my best friend, unknowingly planning and recreating a favorite childhood memory for me
– my oldest and I catching up our rosary on the picnic table
– raw testimony, walking through my own passion before my best friend

– the moon full and round outside our window
– my oldest asleep with his feet tucked behind his head
– reading the last few chapters of winning him- I need all the wisdom I can get..
– and what should I have tucked in my book, but a Christmas card of the 3 boys and a photo of hubby, still there from when I brought them to share in Texas!
– how God prepares us ahead of time, to walk through all storms that we will face…
-words of hope from a friend, it’s all going to be okay.

Tues Jul 23

– awake and unable to sleep, time to pray and just to be alone with God
– bible intros, God’s love story
– words leaping of the pages of scripture, a message, for HIM.
– time alone, to grieve and pray in the quiet of night
– a blanket to wrap up in, Your arms around me
– all my prayer stuff spread on the windowsill before me like an altar of my love

– sunrise over the city
– a weathered feather scrawling in the sky
– Mary sweetness

– morning brother snuggles
– 3 boys looking out the window
– the perfect place to go
– complete abandonment to God, right by the main city roundabout
-all of us taking in the view from the 15th floor- people like ants and cars like dinkies

– little girl baby come to visit
– mommy and baby, both so beautiful
– little baby and my best friend joining us in the pool
– baby girl splashing
– no pool toys, no problem, we’ll use our croc shoes!
– croc shoes riding on flutter board boats
– indoor pool oasis
– the panels in the studio window framed a perfect cross

– praying by the ocean in the driving rain
– the final drive in
– spotting him a ways off, and running to him with open arms
– being ‘home’ again
– reaching out to show him love
– a shed that can be built in a day
– hardware samplers, shingles and tiny stone blocks
– Quiznos!
– boy’s eating subs in the back seat,
– holding hands

– time to really talk
– finding out the truth; that he wanted nothing to do with temptation because he loves ME.
-walking through it all with DH, on the way to healing
– forgiveness, reconciliation followed by an unexpected surprise
– amazing grace, God has used this to transform our marriage, we’ve never been more in love
– sharing with him how God was behind it all, and that none of this would have happened if I hadn’t been following God’s directions!
– wonder and awe at how God chose to bless my husband, and in a way he really could not ignore God’s role in it.

Wed Jul 24

-Grace upon grace- this time for BOTH of us!! What a resurrection!
– green and pink bathroom
– pikachu suspended from the swiffer
– morning prayer together w Jesus on the back deck
– harmony of alleluias
– baby reverently kneeling down before Jesus in the monstrance
-praising my heart out to the kid cd!
– my FIL calling to me excitedly the second I came in the door, and our old appliances free for the taking on kijiji ๐Ÿ˜‰
– superman perched way up in the back of the seat

– a long chat with my heArt sister from church about everything God has been doing in our lives!
– the two of us, on our knees praying the divine mercy together in our living room!

– God’s NOT DEAD!!!
– an abundance of socks all matched up
– middle son tucked up in my bed
– the desks we were promised, still available now that I finally reached the lady who has them
-‘ Jesus just called you’ – DH. Good, because I couldn’t find him anywhere ( my phone)

Thurs Jul 25

-“as you listen to the birds”, JC opening as the birds were singing around me, God moment!
-my oldest counting to 300 to mark 5 min… ( made it to 112 slowly…)
– a strange creature emerged from the depths of our basement
– an article in flourish on woman, the glory of man

– 3 o’clock praise and worship before the blue cross
-A soul at my front door, during the hour of mercy. Instead of singing and praying this day I had put on music.
Right as I signed the papers, the words, โ€˜what can wash away my sin, nothing but the blood of Jesus!!!โ€™ were echoing out of our home!

– hubby bracing the door open for groceries, letting my music be heard in the front yard ๐Ÿ˜‰

– a big puddle in our driveway
– the kitchen garbage from right out of my thoughts- when we were looking at the house I had a vision of garbage and recycling bins side by side. Little did I know at the time that they could be found in the same container!!!
– starter prayer shelf in the kitchen cupboard

– sharing the blessing of our new house w my friend’s parents, and a little of how God was behind it all
– guacamole on my own, w cilantro, garlic and more lime mine was even better!
– boy’s saying bedtime prayers in our Mary blue living room to Jesus on the blue cross, on the mantle

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Boy could I have used this truth yesterday…

JC jun 26
Stay calmly conscious of Me today, no matter what. Remember that I go before you as well as with you into the day. Nothing takes Me by surprise. I will not allow circumstances to overwhelm you, so long as you look to Me. I will help you cope with whatever the moment presents. Collaborating with Me brings blessings that far outweigh all your troubles. Awareness of My Presence contains Joy that can endure all eventualities.

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Life is beautiful! Childhood is a wonder, growing up is awesome, marriage is wonderful, children are an amazing incredible gift!!!! There are seasons, but it seems it just keeps getting better and better!

After a long hard week, this morning I find myself just in awe of God’s faithfulness!!!

Faithfulness, about a kids birthday party! But, in Him everything comes together beautifully ๐Ÿ™‚

Faithfulness, in both big and small, from getting fingers unstuck and taking care of my son when he got something stuck in his nose which was actually pretty serious, to providing cotton candy in the exact 3 colors I needed and leading me to the little chocolate teddy cookies at the bulk store when Teddy Grahams had discontinued that flavor, to carrying ME through all the ups and downs this week held for us. Thurs night as I said my bedtime prayers in the kitchen I could see the ants crawling everywhereโ€ฆ and I just thought: we’re about to have a party here, and have someone come look at our house now too and it’s this great disaster- and DH is still at the childrenโ€™s hospital with my oldest, the guest of honor at this party! – I feel like there was this immense crushing mountain just above me, about to fall on me, falling even, but it can’t crush me because Jesus is holding it up. It’s right there, I can see it, but with Him I am safe…โ€™

And faithfulness to my prayers, as just in the last 2 days, I am actively seeing the beginning fruits of 2 more of my prayers for DH!!!!

This has been a hard week, I don’t even know why, but it has! And still, You are STRONGER!!

(I have a new iPhone now so I have Jesus Calling back!!)

June 7 JC

I am all around you, like a cocoon of Light. My Presence with you is a promise, independent of your awareness of Me. Many things can block this awareness, but the major culprit is worry. My children tend to accept worry as an inescapable fact of life. However, worry is a form of unbelief; it is anathema to Me.

Who is in charge of your life? If it is you, then you have good reason to worry. But if it is I, then worry is both unnecessary and counterproductive. When you start to feel anxious about something, relinquish the situation to Me. Back off a bit, redirecting your focus to Me. I will either take care of the problem Myself or show you how to handle it. In this world you will have problems, but you need not lose sight of Me.


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