God looks for you

Dec 4

Today I felt broken ūüė¶ a different broken. Instead of my heart hurting- it was my mind, my pride…¬†This morning I was feeling so out of whack, I was distracted and then I thought we could have a nice family time, reading our advent book, but I was such a mess – nothing was working and I was making ugly angry choices and trying to control again—ughhh. – and I so hate when I do those things!

“What Adam and Eve didn’t know was that there was¬†a thief in the garden, an enemy of God. Satan¬†is like a wily snake that slithers on at the corner of everything and entangles around you. And if he can trip you w a lie so you fall away from closeness w God, he can snatch your happiness, steal God’s glory, swipe away your love for God and leave you robbed.¬†

So that snake sneaked up to Eve, wrapped his own lie tight right around her and hissed his poison right into her heart: God doesn’t really love you, doesn’t really give¬†you good-enough things. God doesn’t really give the gift of love all the time.¬†¬†Eve fell for it. She ate from that one tree God had forbidden only because He loved her, because He didn’t want her to die!¬† But Eve swallowed the fruit’s juice, and the snakes lie and death began to flow through her veins.

And when you trip you can end up such a bloodied mess that you go and hide, you can fall off the path and end up lost in the long grass.¬†“


Just like eve, the serpent hissed this morning that I could have everything my way today (after a hard day yesterday) and I took the fruit of control and swallowed down that old lie yet again, and it sapped my joy, stole my peace and robbed me of His life till I too felt I was dying…

And all I wanted to do was go hide from the world, from everyone- even God.

I don’t feel that way too often, but it always, always surprises me when it comes… and it always swallows me whole.

I did not like the person I was…¬†And I felt ugly and awful and like such a failure, that it was as if nothing and no one could ever make it right again…

And nothing was able to reach me, I felt like hiding even there at Mass… went up to receive feeling hopelessly unworthy and even then I knew I was still out of sorts, a mess- and this storm in my soul was not passed…
Only later, in the afternoon as we read these words in our advent book, did God’s truth make it’s way back into my ugly heart and everything began to make sense again, as if the world was finally back right way up.


“When we’ve fallen and we’re lost God comes w one question, where are you?¬† Your God looks for you when you’re lost. He calls for you when you’re ashamed and broken and hurting…¬† Whenever you fall, fall short, whenever you sin, God whispers to you w a love that wraps around you like a gentle arm: wherever you are I will come find you. Whatever you’ve done, I will always keep looking for you, until My eyes see you, till My hands of healing reach you, till I can hold you close again to my heart.¬†“


As I’m feeling so broken and so lost, that I don’t even know the way back to God, He comes looking for me. So now matter how lost and alone I’m feeling, how deep the venom has gone, He will still be able to find and rescue me, and make everything right again.

And He does this for all of us, because that’s who He is.


All excerpts are from Unwrapping the Greatest Gift by Ann Voskamp.

Sustaining Grace

Notes from the radio the other night: 

God is love, and goodness, but more than that God is compassion!

Through the incarnation, Jesus plunges into the very thick of our human struggles! 
St Paul

If joy is happiness we will be up and down like an airplane– there has to be something more!

It was his faith in an all knowing and unchanging God!
When people are getting all depressed by their situation, it’s because they are not, receiving and resting in the gifts that God wants to give them, in it. 

God wants you to know His gifts to you in your situation that you’re in.
Paul so often behind his letters w an admonition of Grace, and peace. 

Peace is wonderful, and we all seek after it, but grace is something more, and there can be no true lasting peace without grace. 

Grace is salvation, AND sustaining! Grace comes from the cross, he knows suffering, he knows pain… it’s God’s grace that He gives, IN our difficult circumstances..that gets us through. 
We don’t joy in our painful circumstances themselves, but IN the One who is with us, sustaining us through them. 

Truly, there is this great peace that guards my heart, when I follow the Lord step by step through my day.

Hang it on the cross

This song really blessed me and I know it will bless others too.
Hang it on the Cross – Kelley Mooney
Worry steals my sleep

sorrow hurts my soul

when I can’t find any peace

Jesus give me faith, give me something to hold
Pain won’t go away (nothing helps at all)

my fear defeats my faith (I can’t stop it Lord)

I can’t take another day, 

please Lord take away my pain, take away my pain
and hang it on the cross

hang it on the cross

hang it on the cross

hang it on the cross
There’s a hole deep in my heart ( my faith is shattered)

I am broken torn apart (where are you Jesus?)

my soul searches for you Lord

Do you remember me at all, remember me at all
I stand on shameful ground

there’s temptation all around

I am weak no strength no will

Jesus take away my sin, take away my sin
and hang it on the cross

hang it on the cross

hang it on the cross

hang it on the cross
pain and sorrow, fear and anger

chase my faith away

only you can heal my weakness

My Father hear me pray, hear me pray
hang it on the cross (Jesus take my fear and)

hang it on the cross (please Lord take my doubt and)

hang it on the cross (take my suffering and )

hang it on the cross
hang it on the cross (Jesus take my fear and)

hang it on the cross (please Lord take my doubt and)

hang it on the cross (take my suffering and )

hang it on the cross

From Dynamic Catholic’s Summer of Mercy


Spiritual Work of Mercy: Bear wrongs patiently

When it comes to patience, if your goal is to change the person you’ve got the wrong goal.

Newlyweds are more patient…

You’d think after 10+ years you would KNOW them well enough to know, duh, this is what they struggle with!

they don’t clean up after themselves or they forget or they don’t listen well or never hear me the first time I ask¬† them to do the thing…

If you are not WILLING to be patient, you only want to change someone. And If you only want to change them you will be constantly frustrated.

And, it’s IMPOSSIBLE TO BE PATIENT- when you’re frustrated!!!

When you are angry at the situation you become angry at the person.

Patience means accepting them as they are, both their strengths AND their weaknesses.

If I’m trying to fix someone, I’ll never try to understand..

Understand where they are coming from, what they’re looking for, and why they did that, and it may have nothing to do w me, it Might have nothing to do with me, it might have to do w their weaknesses, their own wounds.

Doesn’t mean what they did is acceptable or condonable,

But it does mean I don’t have to be anxious or frustrated or angry w them for doing something wrong, I can accept and bear those wrongs w patience.

You can watch the full video here: Bear Wrongs Patiently


This talk has been extremely convicting for me. I had no idea that I was harboring resentment towards my kids, but all the signs were so clear after listening to this. God is dealing with some BIG stuff in me right now, but He’s doing what He knows¬†He has to do right now to prepare me for what comes next.


Freedom from bondage: bitterness

Forgiveness: giving up your right to be angry at someone for hurting you.

Think: what would it be like, to go to work tomorrow, w your hands bound and ball and chain on your feet. It would be hard to do what you set out to do, it would be very difficult¬†to get anything done because your mind would be divided, you’d be hampered all day long.

We were made to walk in freedom!!! But satan paints in attitudes, in our minds¬†in false colours we can’t even see them!

If I’m not willing to look inside ***or am always blaming others for my problems… *** that will be¬†a real problem, but if I am willing to look inside myself maybe I can unconver something. Paul tells us in Ephesians:

31 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, with all malice, 32 and be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. (Ep 4:31-32)

Resentment- harshness
Clamor- outcry of passion resulting from anger
Wrath- violent outburst of anger.
Slander – injuring others with our words
Malice- intention or desire to injure someone else

God tells us to put that stuff away and have a kind tender-hearted forgiving spirit.

Sometimes we don’t even know, we’re bitter… But we can’t experience the love of God flowing through us because it’s all dammed up!

If you have bitterness you have an attitude towards others and you have this wall, and you keep building the wall to keep you from any further hurts…Bitterness shows in an attitude towards others.So w this bitterness you build up¬†a wall – then you live behind this wall you go to work behind this wall, you fellowship behind this wall, you live in a family behind this wall, because you don’t want to be hurt anymore.¬†And the bitterness and resentment and anger and malice and hostility are the stones that are part of that wall you’ve built to protect yourself from others! So You build this wall to protect yourself, from being hurt.

What is beneath all this?? Unforgiveness.¬†And Just deciding not to be angry and resentful doesn’t work!!!

Satan’s language whispers a cover up- I’m just hurt, disillusioned, frustrated.. Truth is I have an unforgiving spirit, and God wants me to deal w my problem, not them!

Truth is God will never send revival to a person w an unforgiving spirit.

Sometimes we don’t even know… But we can’t experience the love of God flowing through us because it’s all dammed up! w this wall of bitterness Love and life of God can not flow!

Parents will never be able to enjoy their family as long as an unforgiving spirit…

You’ll go through life bound by these attitudes that you allow into your life.

The love of God can’t flow through me: how can I be concerned about the things of God when I’m so focused on just SURVIVING this anger and hostility and frustration swirling within me!!

And even more,¬†When you live w anger and frustration- it drains us emotionally, spiritually, mentally, physically!!! When a person is living w anger and bitterness and resentment toward other people, what happens emotionally, is there is a continuous drain. There’s a continuous drain of mental energy. A continual drain of physical energy. — You can never be afraid your peak, you can never be at your very¬†best as long as you have those attitudes dominating in your life.


Why don’t we forgive?-¬†

Why can’t we forgive? That’s just it, if we say we can’t forgive that’s a lie- it means we don’t want to. We can, but why do we think we can not?

  1. We’re protecting big ‘I’- somebody has harmed big ‘I’. Someone has intruded upon big ‘I’.

We are selfish… And¬†whenever big ‘I’ is on throne we are being selfish!! We are expressing selfishness.

-I don’t want to be hurt.
-I don’t want to be wronged
-I don’t want to be treated unfairly..
-I have a case against them AND I’m looking for evidence to further support my claim!!!

We do that, we¬†go, looking for more evidence that we are right and they’re wrong!!

Because Jesus¬† is not on throne if my life, I am trying to protect big ‘I’.¬†¬†If I’m committed to protecting big ‘I’ how am I going to forgive you?

2. We have a wrong idea of forgiveness

We say forgive you, but we demand JUSTICE!

When you pay off your debt to me then I’ll forgive you. How are they ever going to pay it off ?!?! In our bitterness-The little things get bigger and bigger in our mind!!! So big that not even God could pay off that debt to us…

We have all this anger churning on the inside and were full of all this garbage we ourselves have concocted… and we Expect some kind of payment for wrongs…

Even if the person has wronged you, if you don’t let it go, then you become THEIR prisoner!! If you’re angry in return and hostile and butter to them you have all this binding and churning inside,¬†NOW, they have wounded you verbally or what have you, but they’ve also made you a PRISONER OF THEIR WRONGS and you are suffering as a result.

If my¬† priority is to protect myself I won’t have a forgiving spirit.

If I expect you to fulfill some set requirements for wronging me that you’re never going to be able to fulfill, I can’t have a forgiving spirit.

People say I just can’t forgive them, it’s a lie from the devil…the truth is it’s not that they can’t, they WON’T.

Because I have to protect big I, how can big ‘I’ be injured like this… How can I be injured like that and then be forgiving (you don’t understand what they did?!) so, I’m going to PROTECT MYSELF because I’m selfish.

Owe no man anything but to love him РRomans 13:8    (that means forgiveness!)

3. A third reason is sometimes They like talking about it- and or they want someone to tell them they’re right in their anger and their sin and their disobedience to God.

Not that they planned it this way, but because they’re deceived, they get their needs met by all this attention of how they have been harmed and wronged in their life…

Repression doesn’t help, Nope, I’m not angry… At them, at God… ( Satan…) You can’t be helped as long as you are repressing and suppressing your anger…

God says, Put these things away!!!


Lastly, If you have discovered an attitude of unforgiveness, confess it to Him, and ask him to help you deal w it.



You can listen to the full talk here: https://www.intouch.org/listen/featured/freedom-from-bondage-part-1


When everything is the hardest, God is making Diamonds ūüôā


Diamonds – Hawk Nelson

[Verse 1]
Here and now I’m in the fire
In above my head
Being held under the pressure
Don’t know what’ll be left
But it’s here in the ashes
I’m finding treasure

He’s making diamonds, diamonds
Making diamonds out of dust
He is refining in His timing
He’s making diamonds out of us

[Verse 2]
I’ll surrender to the power
Of being crushed by love
Till the beauty that was hidden
Isn’t covered up
Oh it’s not what I hoped for
It’s something much better

He’s making diamonds, diamonds
Making diamonds out of dust
He is refining in His timing
He’s making diamonds out of us

[Verse 3 (x3)]
Oh the joy of the Lord
It will be my strength
When the pressure is on
He’s making diamonds

He’s making diamonds, diamonds
Making us rise up from the dust
He is refining in His timing
He’s making diamonds out of dust
Making diamonds out of us

I won’t be afraid to shine
I won’t be afraid to shine
I won’t be afraid to shine
Cause He’s making diamonds out of dust
Making diamonds out of us




Jan 7

Jan 7–on offering things up

This is the day that The Lord has made, and the joy of The Lord is my strength.


It’s like a door to a sanctuary w God… The pain, that I would not give up, the wound in my heart that I asked You not to heal, because it brought me so close to You!

That in that broken place, You knew my suffering, and I knew Yours!


Changes today…
That I need to be more strict, and firm. With my expectations- just like the teens climbing a mountain etc…Sure you can cry if you want, while you walk up the hill!

The way I speak to them needs to change- not telling them what I I want, but dimly telling them how it is.

There will be no more talking. You are expected to do your work, without complaining…

I’ve been WAY too soft.. Especially w the amount of work I require. They need some serious practice w writing in particular.


Savior- offer if up. Tyler’s gum was hurting.

This is what I explained: Sometimes we can’t stop the pain, but whining and fighting just makes us feel worse.
Better to accept, and offer it, to God to use it for good!!!

The problem w resisting is that¬†you can’t offer what you don’t have, if you are fighting the pain, the suffering/ affliction, then you don’t¬†own it- and you can’t offer it.

By receiving it, by saying yes, and accepting it as yours, then you can offer it to Jesus, for souls that are far from Him!


Take time to commune w Him- spend time in quiet to listen along w your other¬†prayers…

Clutter: in the name of Jesus, this mountain of clutter will move. ūüôā thanks Jesus calling reflection!!

Wow. Rosary, w that reflection, it almost becomes a way of life! A beautiful simple means to reconnect w God, w creation, and w my Creator of love!










Reflecting- I was telling them to sit quietly… It sounded ugly cause it was the end of the day.
I heard them singing w the nativity figures…
You’re crushing their joy!




God will lift his burden.

I have told him the same, but he feels unworthy

The Father was God through His perfect spouse Mary…
I have been given the strength I prayed for, strength from God, and from you.
The greatest of kings, born in the most Humble of places